With One Another in this Place of Sorrow

Whoever heard of a Christmas concert that encouraged lament? A few years ago, Michael Card came to our ancient meetinghouse to share Christmas music. But in the midst of all the joy-to-the-world celebratory songs, this amazing storyteller and musician did something totally unexpected. Card publicly acknowledged that the holidays are a difficult time for many people. He confessed he had been struggling with depression and encouraged us to recognize our griefs and losses at year’s end – sharing them in the body of Christ.

A clear reminder that if I’m not interested in what you are suffering, I am not truly interested in you.

After a poignant rendition of his song, “Come Lift Up Your Sorrows,” Card elaborated, “If you and I are to know one another in a deep way, we must also lament together before the God who hears and is moved by our tears. Only then does our sharing become truly redemptive in character. The degree to which I am willing to enter into the suffering of another person reveals the level of my commitment and love for them.”

What is your suffering today?

We are now living in a time of unprecedented loss, fear and uncertainty. With unbelievable speed our world has changed drastically and we hardly recognize this new normal (which also changes daily.) No wonder we experience some of those hard emotions — disbelief, anger, desperation, fear, and sorrow.  

What do we do with all these losses?

How can we be the community of Christ, sharing both the joyous discoveries of God’s faithfulness as well as the true times of personal struggle?

I think we must first learn to lament – the ancient spiritual practice of crying out to God in our pain. Of acknowledging that all is not just fine right now, but also moving toward our goal of living in that place of faith and hope. King David did this often, “I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy… Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need… Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.” (Psalm 142)

Here are three ways I’ve learned to both sit in sorrow and offer hope.

PRAY: This enforced season of self-isolation gives most of us plenty of time to pray for others. Not only for our own loved ones scattered far and wide, but those medical workers, first responders, and military on the front lines of this battle and government officials making critical decisions. In our church community we might reach out to those in groups, classes, and worship. We can even pray for strangers. In one day on Facebook I received the names of 50 medical/emergency workers who all asked for me to pray for them when I posted I would do so. But if we say we will pray for someone in need, then we must do it immediately, and also write down for further prayer; holding closely confidential requests unless we have permission to share.

Here’s a prayer by Jane Grayshorn I often pray: “Lord God, in Your compassion, come close to those who cry out in pain, to all who are sleepless with worry, and to any who are physically or mentally wounded. Convince us that what matters in healing is not a magic formula, or a special form of prayer, but simply the willingness to enlarge our trust in Your presence. May Your presence encourage those who nurse and tend the sick or wait and weep as loved ones cling to life. Amen.”

CONTACT: Now, more than ever, let’s reach out to others and see how they are doing. While we cannot visit in person, there are numerous ways to connect – phone calls, letters, email, facetime, online, or small care packages left at a neighbor’s door. Why not send a hand­written note that can be read over again? I just ordered some small packets of m and m’s to insert in cards, since chocolate helps everything!  Do whatever reminds people (especially the elderly and alone) they are not forgotten and that you care about what they are going through. When we had to cancel our special-needs son Justin’s 45th birthday party this week, I knew he would feel so disappointed and alone in his apartment. But social media friends responded enthusiastically to my call-out for mailing him a birthday card. These surprises in his mailbox cheered him immensely.

REMIND: What do I say to the discouraged, grieving, or suffer­ing – to those who are afraid? I share truth I have learned over a lifetime – reminders that God is faithful. I share stories – mine and others — that reveal growth through struggle, strengthening through sacrifice. Time and time again I have discovered that the comfort I received in my particular pain transforms into generalized compassion and knowledge that can be helpful to others in any pain. I gently remind them of God’s love and God’s presence—that the Creator and Sustainer of the universe knows their predicament and promises to accompany them throughout the journey. “For I hold you by the right hand – I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.’” Isaiah 41.13

Yes, this is a time of loss and sorrow. But it is also an opportunity for each of us to truly be the body of Christ. And it’s okay if we do so whilst weeping. Do not despise your own tears, for even Jesus wept. He was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” He understands.

A wise woman once told me, “Don’t waste your pain.” I know now exactly what she meant. We can actually live in our pain and journey through it in such a way that we become transformed by the experience.

So, dear friends, as you lament the losses, please also look for the light. Pray, Contact, and Remind. When this current ordeal is finally over, will you have become bitter or better?

under the mercy, Lucinda

©2020 Lucinda Secrest McDowell (adapted from “Soul Strong”)

Lucinda Secrest McDowell is a storyteller and seasoned mentor who engages both heart and mind while “Helping You Choose a Life of Serenity & Strength.” She has authored 15 books including “Soul Strong – 7 Keys to a Vibrant Life” and “Life-Giving Choices – 60 Days to What Matters Most.” She writes from “Sunnyside” cottage in New England and shares encouragement at LucindaSecrestMcDowell.com

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  1. Tracy Arntzen on March 25, 2020 at 11:37 am

    Beautiful God uses you to encourage others!.

    Thank you for sharing this about Michael Card, God is showing me more and more that there are many who suffer from depression and anxiety. This is an affirmation from my Heavenly Father to see my current project through completion despite how difficult this is for me!

  2. Ellie Gustafson on March 25, 2020 at 12:49 pm

    Years ago, my husband and I, along with some cooking friends, would host an annual Blue Christmas breakfast. It didn’t last too many years but was good at the time.

    • Betty on March 25, 2020 at 2:29 pm

      These are perfect words for today!
      Can I share this post?

  3. Colette on March 25, 2020 at 2:23 pm

    Dear Cindy thank you for your healing words with uplifted Messages .You bring solace to the soul and heart! Thank you for reaching out to all the friends you know and all the people you do not know , to all the medical corps and every person who are in the front line. Thank you for being a constant reminder that God is always there and he is in control.
    Praying that your families are all well and that this too shall pass .

  4. Betty on March 25, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    These are perfect words for today!

  5. Lauraine Snelling on March 25, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    another good one Cindy thank you

  6. Mary J Renneckar on March 26, 2020 at 12:45 am

    As always, thank you, Cindy!
    Mary J

  7. Maggie on March 26, 2020 at 4:09 am

    Excellent post, Cindy. Spot on.

    • Lucinda Secrest McDowell on March 28, 2020 at 4:03 pm

      I actually wrote this, Maggie, just after I realized that in our conversation last week I had not allowed you to grieve losses – I did not “sit with you in sorrow” and God actually helped me understand how important lament is in this pandemic new normal. So thank you!

  8. Kathy Cooper on March 26, 2020 at 6:58 pm

    Cindy, what a wonderful reminder that we do not have to be paralyzed at home because we are sheltering in place. It can feel very isolating but there are truly a lot of things we can do and I thank you for reminding us all what they are. Your uplifting messages are necessary reminders to help us to stay focused on God! Thank You!
    Kathy C

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